Post-Split Complications

Once I understood that Lynn had no intention of returning…ever, I went out with a couple of other women a couple of times, but there was no simpatico and no desire nor commitments of any kind from me or them. It was fun and a relief after the frigidity Lynn had demonstrated since Ian’s birth. I even tried to find Cindy again but had no luck. She had moved out of state, and none of her family was willing to help me get in touch with her… So I gave up on that idea. I still had bills to pay and couldn’t really go on a crosscountry search expedition anyway… sadly.

I also took a couple of weekend trips to Ann Arbor, trying to reconnect with Jeriann or Susan, but of course, that failed too. You can’t go back and undo or even repair the past… especially old lovers; for them it’s all been water under the bridge for far too long; moved on and no interest in looking back.

This is also when I started journaling. I spent many nights writing, sorting out my feelings, attempting poetry, and trying to create song lyrics for tunes I’d been working on during and before our split. I wrote both at home and at work, became even more introspective, and started to be unfavorably ‘noticed’ by my work supervisors.

I was also smoking a lot of pot at work, too. I used to smoke a cheap old corn cob pipe with Captain Black’s pipe tobacco. My little trick was to fill it two-thirds full with Captain Black’s and the final third with pot or hash, whatever I happened to have on hand. I didn’t carry pot on me, especially at work, other than what was in my pipe. Once I lit it and smoked the pot off the top, no one could tell what I was doing… all the evidence was gone, covered up by the ash and tar of the pipe tobacco. That also helped with my journaling. At least I certainly felt more creative with a little ‘buzz on’…

To be Continued

–LE